Monday, 17 December 2012

A Tragic Tale of Chicken Ball Etiquette.


This is a cautionary tale. I am going to tell it and you should get the police tape ready.

No matter how proficient you think you are in chop stick usage NEVER EVER brag about it when you are at a fancy Chinese restaurant and someone says, "I hope they are going to bring us forks and knives to eat with because I can't pick up a thing with chopsticks." You should never say, for example, "Are you kidding me? What is wrong with you? Chopsticks are sooo easy, I picked them up the first time I tried them. They are like an extension of my hand now. If there was a chopstick eating competition I not only would win proficiency, I would win grace, elegance and overall artistry..."

Oh ... and don't snort at them and roll your eyes.

I am not sure but I think some of that food, you know the stuff that is still trying to crawl off the plate when they bring it?? ... I think it can hear you. And I think that food likes to stick up for the underdog ... and it feels sorry for the people you just rolled your eyes at and so it feels the need to serve up a big helping of poetic justice.  I think that food purposefully leaps out of your chopsticks and flies across the table and lands in the lap of the people at the next table just to prove it's point. That point having something to do with bragging and your mom wagging her finger and saying "I told you so."

And then the waiter brings you your own fork and knife and takes the chopsticks away.

And your friends never go out to dinner with you again.

And someone writes nasty things about you in the public washrooms ... in Chinese ...

Evidently Poets are really vengeful and cannot let it go.

This is the end of the cautionary tale. I didn't live it ... I heard about it ...I swear ...

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