Monday, 17 December 2012
How Christmas Lights Evolved.
Did you know that a long time ago, before they had electricity ... yes I AM speaking about when your dad was a kid ... they used candles on the Christmas tree instead of lights? You can understand the reasoning behind all of this ... putting a bunch of lights on the tree when they can't be plugged into anything just makes a whole lot of work for nothing. Best to wait for electricity to be invented. Your dad may not have been the sharpest knife in the drawer but he could cut through soft icecream (with enough pressure applied). It was a gentler time. You never did hear any stories way back then about people going postal on Christmas like they do now when they get all those lights on the tree and then find out that they don't work because 1 of the trazillion bulbs needs replacing.
Well this story is going to be a real revelation because it will prove to you that evolution does exist and that your father moved forward just a smidge. Stop wondering about your mother ... she is a woman. Note when the scientists talk about evolution ... it is about the evolution of MAN? Women are already evolved to the max.
See they (men) eventually figured out that putting fire on a dead tree was not that bright of an idea even though candles do make things brighter, and a roaring forest fire ... even brighter. So ... men flew kites in storms with metal keys ... and that lead to little boys putting forks into electrical sockets and women finally plugged in the lights which all worked because they know to check the lights BEFORE they go on the tree.
So yes ... I guess I am saying we owe some of the magic of Christmas to the stupidity of men and you should think of that while you are drinking your eggnog and watching your dad passed out in front of the fireplace with his mouth wide open, snoring and drooling on the sweater your grandma knit him holding his Chia Pet.
He really has had a hard life.
(and honey ... I know if you had read this BEFORE you put the lights on the tree ... you would have checked them ... I will bring you some coffee in about 4 hours ... you should be half way through checking which bulb is gone by then ...)