Wednesday, 19 December 2012

Laser Vision and the Story of "Lucky."

Lady and the Mouse 1a

Let's talk mice.

We had a lady visiting us once on the farm who looked like she stepped out of some fashion mag.   I think her plane must have gone down in the wheat field and she was lost or something because we never had a lady like that show up at the farm ... ever.  Maybe she was sent by some church up in Edmonton ... visiting the socially inept or something.

Our family was playing the inept role. My brother, the Biffster, had the lead.

She sat on the couch with her nose in the air and when she held her tea cup she extended her little finger. At first I thought she was pointing at something but then I realized it had probably been broken in some tragic farm accident when she was a little girl and had stayed that way. I got to work on a "so sorry about the tragic farm accident - God loves people with gimpy fingers too" card right away seeing as I was banned to my room anyway. She did not like us kids being around because we were not esthetically pleasing. I mean I could understand her thinking that about me but my brother looked darn good that day in his ballerina skirt.

She had a lace hanky and she kept dabbing at her face and fluttering it.  That was my first exposure to fluttering hankies and I have to tell you ... it is a lost art. 

Anyway at some point a mouse ran across the room and she screamed and my brother and I were so upset to be missing out on the action.  A million things go through your head as you run to the scene of the crime ... Had grandma lost it and throttled her and was now trying to stuff the hanky up her nose?  Had the cookies been a tad dry?  Had grandpa farted again? 

We ran in just in time to see her throw threw her tea cup up in the air and jump up on the couch holding her skirt and doing this kind of "standing in one place" dance.   She was mouthing something but no intelligible words were coming out, just this kind of high pitched sound ... (if you can swallow your pen and then kind of scream ... I think you will pretty much have the effect)

Someone said a mouse had run across the room.  I am not sure who ... it may have been the police who had surrounded the house by then.

Who knew heels could take apart heirloom lace pillows that quickly?   In fairness they were wet ... she said from the tea but I can recognize the pee pee shuffle dance when I see it.  She didn't strike me as the kind of woman who could hold her bladder.

I had never seen my grandmother swear at anyone with her eyes but she did that day. That was the day I knew that laser vision was not a myth.

I am not sure why children are always to blame when grownups are upset. She said "we" let the mouse in because we "liked to keep them as pets."  There is no sense protesting your innocence when your granmother throws you under the bus because she is the only one in the room with a drivers license.

I was pretty stoked that we had pet mice though.

That is when we also learned that staring at people, no matter how warranted, was rude. The polite thing to do when someone pees themselves, throws their tea cup and smashes it, dances gaping holes into the heirloom lace pillows while they are standing on the couch, and makes strange gargling noises and high pitched sounds that not only the dogs responded to, but a whole herd of travelling swine to look away ....

Because that is a skill that every 8 year old possesses right?

I didn't mind being waved out of the room because I was pretty stoked about getting a new home ready for the new pet mouse "Lucky."
Unfortunately this story does not have a happy ending either.

I only caught a glimpse of the mouse caught in the trap before it was flushed down the toilet, but I am pretty sure it was Lucky. I hate to think they were so vindictive as to take it out on innocent mice.  To find out you have a pet, and have that pet die on the same day is pretty traumatic.

That was also the day I learned that some pet names, while they seem appropriate at the time, are really tragically ironic..

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