Wednesday, 19 December 2012
The Home Made Christmas Debacle.
People will tell you that homemade Christmas gifts are the best. They will point to shows like Little House on the Prairie and say "Look how happy Laura and Mary were just to get an orange and some hair ribbons in their stockings!" They point to gauzy pics from the 50's where Tommy holds a truck, Suzie a doll and everyone is smiling. (absolute evidence that the principles of photoshopping was in wayyy before computers showed up ... there may not have been any keystrokes involved but there were definitely some threats of strokes of a different kind if everyone did not smile ...)
They do that right before they hand you the coasters they made for you which are basically some hunks of wood painted and with some stickers on them. I didn't mind so much except that I was only 4 at the time and really not that big of a drinker. I mean my bottle never left my hand, I certainly wasn't going to leave it on a coffee table somewhere.
7th Heaven was another show I blame. They had a gift policy that every gift had to be made, a gift of self, or something you already had. It took giving underwear and socks to a whole new disturbing level. They were feeding into the whole craft fair/Saturday Markets/Garage Sale mentality that is now gripping our nation and giving way to the horrific September announcement where Aunt Julie calls and informs everyone "NO bought gifts this year!! At ALL!!"
That's when you learn the sad truth that even your dad is afraid of Aunt Julie because no-one dares to argue with her and they won't give you the phone.
Children everywhere weep when they hear this. To be truthful I still weep when I hear it. Because Martha Stewart is not in my family. Neither is anyone on that Better Homes and Gardens Show.
I have people like Uncle Bud the pig farmer and Aunt Sue the lady who lives with 18 cats, 11 goats and 2 ponies (although no-one is exactly sure where the ponies are but they are hopeful she gets picked for that Hoarders Show and that someone finds them soon).
Do you understand why THAT announcement makes me weep?
Some people like to do up service booklets with things like, "I promise to make your bed for you," and there will be like 12 coupons and so you get your bed made 12 times. Which I suppose is a swell gift unless it is from your mom and she always makes everyone's bed. My brother, the Biffster, did up one once that contained one coupon that said "I promise to find your adoptive parents and make sure you get home safely."
That was one homemade gift I really appreciated.
Except he never delivered on it. See that is the problem with the coupon books ... no-one ever actually follows through and there are no coupon laws or police force to provide justice. You just have to suffer in silence.
I did speak up about the bed making thing with my mom one though. I told my mom that I really felt that was a cop out and then she shared with me that it was hard for her to get her wheel chair through the snow and make it all the way over from the nursing home every day and that she thought maybe she could just wean me off gently ...
Am I the only one who is feeling like Christmas is not just what it used to be?